An attractive young woman approaches you in a bar. Before you can figure out how it became your lucky night, you hear this: “Will you buy me a drink?”

You could also be talking to a perfect 10, or a dancing away with one, and you she asks if you are going to buy her one.

So what does one do here? And what do you say? Do you go ahead and pony up for the booze?

If you’ve been around the block a little, you’ve probably come to realize that it’s usually not a good idea to respond to these drink requests in a positive fashion. For many reasons…

1.) Club drinks are usually very expensive and will drain your wallet fast.

2.) She may not be attracted to you at all and simply be using you to finance her night out.

3.) She may already be out with a guy, and once she gets her drink, she returns to him and completely ignores you (it happens).

4.) Most importantly, buying her a drink runs the risk of framing your interaction as one where you’re seeking her approval! You are the pursuer and she is the prize that must be won.

Now, it is possible that she really IS into you, and this is just her way to get to know you better. If that is the case it’s doubtful that she even cares about the drink. Remember, I said possible, not probable. Or there could be some chemistry going on that you can feel and she says it.

Is it “better to be safe than sorry” or to “throw caution to the wind” and buy her the drink anyway?

This creates a conundrum. If you protect yourself, how do you avoid looking like some cheapskate, ill mannered, or just strange? And how do you do it without making her take off?

The trick here is to turn the tables, and not make it about buying a drink to pick her up, but about her asking for a drink because she wants to pick YOU up!

This is a subtle difference. In one scenario, you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage. In the other, you’re making it so she has to prove to you she’s worth your time and money.

So let’s say the woman asks you “Will you buy me a drink?” Try smiling, tilting your head and saying, “I dunno. Last time I did that a woman tried to take advantage of me later.”

This is important because you’re not saying “Yes” or “No.” You’re steering the interaction in a different direction, one where you are in control.

The girl will either laugh, look at you funny, or ask you to tell the story. If she asks for a story, give her a good one. If not, say. “Think it’ll work again this time?”

It’s funny how often this creates a great situation for you. Many, many women say yes, and will often pull a chair to talk with you about it. If she says no, then tell her you appreciate her honesty, turn around and leave. Oddly enough, women like that tend to seek you out later in the evening.

It works out great either way. You control the interaction, and have turned it into something that is of your benefit, rather than hers!

Tags: Relationship Advice

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