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Dating with Single Parents: Some Useful Tips
Posted at Dec 30th, 2008 in Online Dating Tips
Some motivation. You are a single parent and you doubt that you need another love in your life aside from the one which you already have: love of your children. Really, why you should make your life more complicated, is not this already the case? Every single mom or dad may have such thoughts once in a while, but here is an answer to it. People in love look better, because they feel happier and, as a result they live longer, so they can give more love to those whom they love. Or, in other words, the very existence in this world requires a balance: if your love to your kids is not balanced by your own love life, then how good is your love to your children in the first place? They sure love you, so they want you to be happy, but are you happy while you are alone? Bottom line: as a single parent you may need strong motivation for dating again, so this way (or another) you have to work it out for yourself first.
Be ready. Hope you agree with all stated above, maybe you have even better reasons for looking for love again (although I think desire of being happy is good enough). How well prepared are you? Here are some simple checks. First, you shall have no bad feelings about your former spouse/lover. If there are any, you have to free yourself completely from those feelings: the least thing you need is to let anything from your past to sneak into your new relationship. Second, do you love yourself? If not, you have to fix this attitude first. Your self-negation will make harder for another person to love you, because love is always sharing, you dont want him (or her) to share this with you. Finally, you may feel that a century passed since you loved someone, how can you get back to this state? Probably, the best (and maybe completely new for you) approach will be an online dating. This is where you can totally control the pace of the process and immerse yourself gradually into this hot tub of new/old feelings.
Are money an issue? So, lets assume that you have your motivation and you are ready, but there is still one more issue left unclear, that is, money. You dont feel like dating is something that you can afford right now. This is where online dating gives you one of its best features: the very low level of spending with great outcomes. The only thing that you have to pay is your membership fee, which is by all means a modest expense. After that you will have an access to thousands of profiles, you can contact tens of candidates, you can afford the finest search you need: an impossible venture if you would try it in a live mode! Besides, if you like, you can sign-up to a single parent dating network and find someone special right in your area.
You and your children. You are looking for a date, but what about your children: how much they should be informed about your intentions, if they should be informed at all? The answer is yes, they should know that you are looking for a date. And they should know when you are going to a date, they should know what to do if you will be late, etc. For the same time you should not let them any attempt to control your dating. They can do it from a simple jealousy, but this will pass. Dont let them make any choices for you, you have to decide whom you are dating and whom not, it is your life.
About your new friend and your children. Your dating eventually will bring you a stable relationship. So time will come to introduce your new friend to your kids. You have to avoid any surprises, prepare them for that first, tell them about him or her. The first meeting must be short. An incidental encounter at cinema (or any other place which your kids love to go to) would be a good idea. Next time you can make it a little longer. Getting used to each other takes time, so pushing any side toward the other is a bad idea: everything must come in natural way. You have to be patient, and you have to make your children understand that there is nothing there that will change your love, care and devotion to them. You have to be open and sincere with your children and after first meetings ask their opinion about your new friend.
You and your new friend children. Before the first meeting with her or his kids find about them as much as possible. The first meeting must take place away from their home, so they would not feel any threat from you on taking their living space. There are several no-nos here: nothing negative about another parent, nothing artificial in your behavior (kids feel such things and you will be busted!) and, of course, if a child is cold with you, you have to take it easy, because you are the one who is a grownup there. Bring some presents of a moderate value, not too expensive, not too inexpensive (it might be a good idea to ask her or him what will be a good gift for children). And after all, be just yourself, if you will handle all that maturely and with a good sense of humor, you will be OK.
Last tip. Just one more thing. Dont hurry to get married again, weight everything and take time for reflections and thoughts, and most of all, enjoy your life!
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